Inches Away
A walk through Japan, a Tahoe tragedy, and the idea that we’re never as far apart as we think
Life happens fast, far too fast.
I found myself thinking about that a lot over the weekend as today’s newsletter comes from the mountains of Japan. My family and I are on spring break and being on the other side of the world has me disconnected from my typical day to day and truly connected with every moment with our sons.
When my wife was pregnant we were often amazed with the concept that a baby is only inches, even centimeters, away from the ‘real world.’ One moment they are living a life inside their mom’s belly, in one universe. Moments later they are welcomed into a new world full of things they may have heard about but never experienced.
This two weeks ago we celebrated our 11 year old son’s birthday and like many parents, I began to wonder how life had gone by so quickly. I also conversed with my wife countless times about the fact that I would go back in time in an instant to see him as a little man again, exploring this new world.
Walking along calm streets at sunrise as cherry blossoms bloom, watching him and his younger brother climb, run, laugh, argue and more only confirms that thought.
Our eldest also shared a birthday with my late Mom, March 13th. In the Jewish tradition, on the anniversary of a monumental day we are taught to light a very specific candle: a Yahrzeit candle. It is a memorial candle lit on the anniversary of a loved one to honor their memory, symbolizing the eternal soul that burns for 24 hours.
There is something powerful about that candle as every few months when I light it I am brought to the absolute present moment.
I’ve been having a lot of conversations with her during calm mornings in Hakone in hot springs or late nights in Kyoto. I’ve been catching her up on life, her grandsons and how Nebraska and USC’s football practice has been thus far in spring ball.
If you didn’t know, my Mom loved college football. So much so that I called her ‘Coach.’ She would offer detailed analysis each weekend from the gridiron when she was alive, let alone a detailed critique of my tie and which phrase I was overusing on air.
And she would have loved Japan.
When someone dies, or at least when my mom died, I spent a few years grieving and making it all about how much I missed her. I never really explored the concept that maybe, just maybe, she was living her life in a different way in the next life… the next universe.
Last night during a walk through a museum exhibit titled Universe of Existence, Universe of Perception I was reminded about a concept that my wife taught me years ago having lost her father and step-father as a child and young adult.
“What if, when people die, they are also just inches or centimeters away from us?”
That concept stopped me in my tracks. And after sitting with it for a while, I bought into that idea 100%.
No matter where we are, we are closer to one another than we can see.
I’ve been to nearly 40 countries and with each adventure comes some sort of unpredictable and unexplained reflection. If you travel you know the feeling. Dr. Michael Gervais, this weeks Y-Option: College Football with Yogi Roth podcast guest, would likely say it’s our subconscious making sense of the world.
Along the river in Kyoto yesterday I was in awe of the aforementioned cherry blossoms and it reminded me of a spring day the same weekend of our sons birthday. I flew to Northern California. It was a perfect spring day, but far from perfect regarding the reason for being there. In fact, it was heartbreaking.
As you may have read, last month there was an avalanche in Tahoe where 6 Mom’s lost their lives. One of them was Kate Vitt.
I didn’t know Kate, but her sister in law has been a dear friend for nearly 15 years. You know her on TV as Ashley Adamson, host and personality from her time at Pac-12 Network and most recently, Big Ten Network.
Kate was her best friend and Ashley married her younger brother, Chris.
After learning of the avalanche and the tragic loss of life, I vividly remember a conversation with Ashley. As I type this, I can still hear her words:
“I’m shattered right now.”
Kate left behind a husband and two sons, ages 10 and 8. Just knowing that likely brings you to tears.
Trust me, seeing them would bring you to your knees.
That weekend was the celebration of her life and I was grateful to attend the Sunday gathering of loved ones, friends and supporters. I sat in the standing room only ballroom listening to speakers and learning about Kate. There was not a dry eye in the room and amid the tears, laughter also had its place. The comedic timing was Oscar worthy from each speaker and powerful in so many ways.
I have known Ashley’s husband Chris for over a decade and it was clear that his entire family has a special lens on life.
Over the course of the afternoon Kate was showered with admiration, compliments and love. To hear the impact she had on so many was inspiring and like Ashley said, shattering all at once.
As myself and a few of Ashley’s friends/colleagues left the service I kept thinking about that concept: Maybe Kate is inches, even centimeters away.
Maybe she is providing comfort, cheer, wisdom and of course laughter to all, especially her sons and husband. I’d like to believe that.
Walking along Philosopher’s Path (yes, that’s a real place) in Kyoto this week I kept trying to make sense of it all.
Why Kate? Why now? Why did this happen to her family? I have no answers and likely never will…but I’d like to imagine that while I don’t truly know where we go when we die, I’m going to choose to believe that wherever it is…it’s so close you can almost touch it.
Turning the corner in front of a temple the sun is beaming. While I may not know what’s on the other side, Kate’s light is illuminating all over the world.
And I’m sure right about now my Mom is sipping a hot coffee and Kate is nearby, making the world a better place in every place that feels her energy.
Maybe they are even talking about college football.
Today we head to Tokyo, our final leg on this spring break sojourn and I’m reminded what Ashley shared with me when we left this past years Rose Bowl talking about our New Years Resolutions. “I’m going to connect to the present moment in every way that even the most simple of things — a walk, a talk, a coffee — will be sacred. Every moment is one to be grateful for and while every moment cannot be repeated, they can be fully lived.”
Well said, Ashley. Maybe even prophetic.
I’ll be back later this week and begin a spring football tour throughout the midwest where Todd Blackledge and I will be comparing notes throughout April and our visits. In the meantime, if you need a little spring ball fix, please check out recaps of Nebraska and USC on our YouTube page.
But until then, I hope we all hug our loved ones a bit tighter, call our loved ones a little bit more constant and choose to think that the loved ones you have lost may be much closer than we can imagine.
Much love and stay steady,
Yogi
I have not been to Japan this lifetime, but have loved it from afar, mostly through the youtube video-walks of others, including among the cherry blossoms of Kyoto, the many lovely temples, and even the Philosopher's Path itself. Beautiful scenery and architecture, reflective of a more tranquil life style. So wonderful that you are getting to have the experience firsthand. Yes, I can imagine it to be potentially mind-altering when one is ready, all of which you have expressed exceptionally well. Namaste!
We are but one concsiousness, there is no separation, now or ever, once one realizes this, there's no more need to see others as separate or different. while in human life or 'beyond', at least this is how I see things. Thank you for the insightful words and for sharing your personal experiences so beautifully. Be at peace.